Strange Couples
by kristy267
Summary: Bella's with Aro. Jane and Jake are an item. Nessie thinks the government is after her, while James plays the role of her boyfriend. Claire has trained Emmett to attack Vampires, but fails to realize he's one. Leaving us all asking: What's going on here?
1. The Couples

_**A/N: Okay why I felt like making this I'm not sure I just it would be kind of funny. I have changed every couple I could think of. Eric/Ben/Tyler they were the only ones I couldn't think of people for them to be with that I liked so I decided to make them gay. Each chapter is going to be about a different couple. Please Review and tell me if this is a good idea or just totally stupid. Or if you have a better idea of who someone should be with. **_

Elizabeth/Charlie

Bella/Aro

Rosalie/Felix

Alice/Alec

Esme/Embry

Jane/Jacob

Renee/Carlisle

Nessie/James

Leah/Laurent

Victoria/Mike

Angela/Jasper

Jessica/Paul

Claire/Emmett

Tanya/Sam

Kate/Seth

Emily/Quil

Heidi/Edward

_**Eric/Ben/Tyler (there gay)**_


	2. Having 'fun'

**A/N: Okay so there was a change in plans. I decided not to write chapters on just one couple. I'm just going to write chapters with different couples in them. This one is about Edward, Heidi, Bella and Aro. Review and tell me what you think!**

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Bella and Aro come out of bedroom fixing clothing. There about to go get a human to drain when they hear something in the bedroom across the hall. They get closer and realized it's Edward and Heidi, doing what they had just finished. Bella made a look of disgust. Aro took Bella's hand. They started down the hall when they heard Edward moan.

**Edward:** Oh...Barney!

Bella and Aro glanced at each other and bust out in to quite laughter.

**Heidi:** Barney?! Are you really thinking about Barney right now?!

She yelled. There was fake nervous laughter from Edward.

**Edward:** Did I say Barney? I meant...oh, Mike.

**_THUD!_** Was the next sound. Heidi had pushed Edward off in to the floor.

**Heidi:** Mike? As in Mike Newton?!

**Edward:** _-no excuse-_ Um...no! Heidi come on, come back. Lets have some more fun.

**Heidi:** Why don't you ask Barney if he wants to have some fun! Or borrow Mike from Victoria!

Heidi yelled before walking out of the bedroom. Aro and Bella were laughing to hard to hide the fact that they had been listening. Heidi glared at them.

**Heidi:** You thought that was funny, huh?

Bella: Oh yeah! _-still laughing-_

**Heidi:** Makes you wonder what he was thinking about when you and him were together, doesn't it?

**Bella:** Nope! The only thing Edward ever moaned when we were together was 'Bella'.

**Heidi-** That's when you were human. Maybe you didn't hear something. He could have said it in vampire speed.

**Bella:** _-laughing stopped-_ Edward loved me, he had me on his mind. Not Mike or Barney. Guess that means I satisfied him more then you do.

**Aro:** Bella dear lets go.

**Bella:**No, not yet. Heidi and I have a few things to straighten out.

**Heidi:** And what are these things?

**Bella:**Well what about the fact that you seem to think Edward thought about others while he was with me.

**Heidi:** Surely he had to. I mean if he thought of other while I was with him then you must have never been on his mind.

**Bella:** Don't blame me because he would rather be with Barney then you.

Edward comes out of the bedroom.

**Edward:** What are you two fighting about?

**Aro: **Whether or not you thought about someone else when you and Bella would 'have fun'.

**Heidi:** Edward tell her you thought of others

**Bella:** Tell her you ONLY thought of me.

**Edward's mind:** Man! Whatever I say I have one of them mad at me. Barney come bail me out!

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**A/N: Will Barney come to Edward's rescue? Tell me if you liked it by clicking the button below and reviewing! :)**


	3. You turn me on!

**A/N: It's short, sorry. Thanks for the reviews! Hope you like it! :)**

**Before...**

_Edward comes out of the bedroom._

_**Edward:** What are you two fighting about?_

_**Aro: **Whether or not you thought about someone else when you and Bella would 'have fun'._

_**Heidi:** Edward tell her you thought of others_

_**Bella:** Tell her you ONLY thought of me._

_**Edward's mind:** Man! Whatever I say I have one of them mad at me. Barney come bail me out!_

**Now...**

Bella, Heidi and Aro are staring at Edward waiting for his answer.

**Bella:** So go ahead tell her

**Heidi:** Yeah tell me you didn't only think of her

**Aro:** Better you then me man!

**Edward:** Um...well...I...uh

Suddenly they all start to hear music. It's Barney's 'I love you, you love me' song that play at the end of every episode.

**Bella:** The pain! It hurts my ears!

**Heidi:** It burns I tell you, BURNS!

**Aro:** Bella dear what is it?

**Bella:** It's..It's...

**Bella and Heidi:** THAT MUSIC!

Barney suddenly appears. Bella and Heidi cry out in pain. Edward screams like a girl and starts jumping up and down.

**Edward: **Barney-kins! I've missed you!

**Aro's mind:** He's is kind of attractive... _-thinks this while licking lips-_

**Heidi and Bella:** My eyes! They burn!

**Barney:** Oh you poor dears, whats wrong?

**Bella and Heidi:** You! Your so HAPPY! And purple!

They both scream in pain again.

**Bella:** I can't take it!

**Heidi:** It just hurts so much!

They both take off running.

Edward, Aro, and Barney just shrug.

**Aro:** So...Barney, you single?

**Edward:**_ -LE mike newton GASP-_Of course he's not! He's with me!

**Aro:** You have to share sometime you know!

**Edward:** Do not!

**Aro:** Do too!

**Edward:** Do not!

**Aro:** Do too!

**Barney:** Boys, Boys please. There's plenty of the this to go around! _-He says this while wiggling his whole body up and down, trying to look sexy-_

**Aro and Edward:** Oh Barney! You turn me on!

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**A/N: So? What do you think, so far? Review and tell me!**

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	4. Face Eating Vampire

**A.N: Sorry it took so long! This is harder to write then I thought. Hope you like it! REVIEW!**

It was a quiet night in Forks, Washington. Not a mouse was stirring but there was a Mike Newton, staying up pretty late. Right now he was outside singing up and down the street. Dancing and looking like an idiot. (That's Mike Newton for you.)

Mike Newton:I kissed a vampire and I liked! The taste of her dead lips! It felt so cold it felt so smooth! Hope Bella don't mind it!

Vampire Mike Kissed: Why would she? She's kissed her fair share of vampires.

Mike Newton: Kiss me again, Victoria.

Vampire now known as Victoria sighed and leaned in to kiss Mike Newton when she suddenly stopped.

Mike Newton: I'm waiting!

Victoria: What are you doing here?

Mike Newton: -Confused- Um...waiting for my kiss.

Victoria: Not you! You!

Mike Newton turns and looks to were Victoria is pointing. It was another vampire, a girl vampire.

Mike Newton: Yes! Two girls to kiss 'The Mikester' in one night! This is a record for me!

Other Vampire: One girl is a record for you. And I'm not here to kiss you, I'm here to eat her face off!

-Silence and blank stares-

Other Vampire: I said 'I'm here to eat her face off!'

-waits for reaction but gets nothing but blank stares-

Other Vampire: -sigh- I'm a face eating vampire! Aren't you scared?

Victoria: Why would I be? Your not going to eat my face! I have 'The Mikester' to protect me!

-Pushes Mike towards face eating vampire-

Mike Newton: -Looks around nervously- He he...ha ha....he he....ha ha

-this gos on for about five minutes-

Face eating Vampire: What are you doing?! Shut up?! Before I eat YOUR face off!

Mike Newton: But I'm not a vampire! I like my face!

Victoria and Face eating Vampire: -Confused- You do?

Mike Newton: Yes! Barney didn't complain either!

Victoria: Barney? I thought that was Edward's dinosaur.

Mike Newton: I had him first! -pouting like a baby-

Face Eating Vampire: Enough! I've come to eat a vampire's face and that's what I'm going to do!

Victoria: -backing away- Well I'll just be going now... -Takes off running-

Face Eating Vampire runs after Victoria. Mike is left alone. After a few seconds he gets scared.

Mike Newton: Wait for me! What am I suppose to do if a face eating human comes for me?!

-runs after the vampires-

Face Eating Human: Oh 'Mikester'!

Mike Newton -screams like a girl-

**A.N: I didn't NOT think up faces eating vampires, all the credit go's to angel2882 and her friends! You should go check out her stories, their wicked awesome! Thanks for reading, review please! :)**


	5. Ahhing!

**A.N: Hey readers! How's it going? Good, I hope. You know what else I hope? That you like this chapter! I wrote it during class today, and it was suppose to be three different chapters but I made it in to two. So this chapter could be a little longer. Okay on with the story! Don't forget to review!**

Victoria and Mike have escape the face eater. As of now they are on their way to Canada where they believe they will be safe. Barney as grown tired of Edward and Aro. He has left Italy in hopes of finding Mike. Little does he know his 'Mikester' is with Victoria. Mike and Victoria met up with Barney at the Canada boarder.

Barney: Mike what is this? -Gestures to Victoria-

Mike: She's my vampire girlfriend.

Barney: I thought you loved me?

Mike: -Dramatic Sigh- No! I've moved on.

Barney: -sobbing- What about me?

Victoria: Go back to Edward. I bet his tired of Bella by now.

Barney: Shut up!

Mike: Don't tell my vampire to shut up!

Victoria: -Licks lips- I wonder what dinosaurs taste like... -Moves towards Barney-

Barney: -Screams like a girl-

Mike: -Screams like a girl-

Victoria: Men and dinosaurs are such babies! -Jumps on Barney and turns him in to a **_VAMPIRE!_**-

**~Back in Italy~**

Alice: Ahh! -Tells Alec about Barney-

Alec: Ahh!

Jane: What are you two Ahhing about?

Alec and Alice: Barney is a vampire!

Jane: Ahh!

Jacob: -rushes in room and to his beloved Jane- What's wrong? Are you okay?

Edward- Ahhh! Not Barney!

Alice: It's horrible!

Alec: It's terrible!

Jane: Its horrible and terrible!

Jacob: What?!

Aro: -Comes in with Bella- What's with all the Ahhing?!

Edward holds out hand to Aro. Aro reads Edward's thoughts.

Aro: Ahhhh!! Why?! Why?!

Jacob: Would someone please---

Aro and Edward: Must get Victoria!

Everyone in the room (besides Jake) starts yelling about re-killing Victoria. They all run out of the room to make a plan to kill Victoria. Jacob stays in room, still clueless.

Jacob: Jane! What's going on?! I feel so unloved! And left out! -Stats crying like a baby-

**A.N: Review please! And thanks for reading!**


	6. No way! Yes way!

**a.n: Okay so this chapter was longer but before I could type it all up, I lost the paper! So I just decided I'd post this little bit. The next chapter will be longer, ****promise****. And I'm sorry it's so short. ****Review please! **

Nessie and James have been living in Canada for over a year now. Nessie didn't want her parents to know James was alive and she was dating him. So, they moved to Canada.

Nessie: James, are you seeing what I'm seeing?

James: If your seeing a large purple dinosaur sucking the blood out of Mike Newton, then yes.

Nessie: Yep, that's what I see.

James: Wait...why is Mike here?

Nessie: Oh didn't you hear? Mike Newton and Victoria are trying to escape the face eaters.

James: Victoria's alive?! -mouth drops open-

Nessie: Ah-uh, and shes dating Mike Newton.

James: No way! -Suddenly sounds like a girl-

Nessie: Yes way!

James: No way! -Still girl sounding-

Nessie: Yes way!

-This go's on for about ten minutes-

Nessie: Yes... -hears yelling-

James: What's that noise? -Looks around-

Yelling gets louder and louder. Finally Nessie spots a mob coming their way.

Nessie: Ahh! I told you the government was after me! -Grabs James and they hide behind some trees-

**a.n: REVIEW please!**


	7. Mike Newton looks GOOD! Ahh!

**a.n: Sorry it's so short!**

The mob isn't the government like Nessie thought, it's the Volutri! The mob rushes past James and Nessie's hiding spot and up to Barney. Who has now turned Mike Newton (yes MIKE NEWTON!!) into a vampire!

Bella: Ahh! The Horror!

Edward: What?

Bella: Mike Newton...he looks..GOOD! Ahh!

Alice: *Gasp* Bella! How could you?

Bella: But it's true!

Mike: *Smiling* About time you saw my good looking self. But it's to late. I've moved on,

Bella. It wasn't easy but I did. I'm with Victoria now, we can't be together. *Dramatic Sigh*

Bella: *Rolls eyes* I said you looked good not that I wanted to be with you!

Mike: Make up your mind girl!

Aro: We can get back to Mike being good looking after we re-kill Victoria! Now, where is she? *Scans area*

Everyone (even Nessie and James)- *GASP* She's gone!

Jane: So, what do we do --- OMJ! There she is! -Points to somewhere in the trees-

Aro and Edward: After her! Off with the head!

Everyone charges towards the trees. What they don't notice it, it's James and Nessie there heading for. Unfortunately for Nessie and James, they don't notice it either.

**a.n: Review!**


	8. New Moon!

**a.n:** Okay so sorry guys. I've been home this whole time but couldn't come up with anything to post! See plans were changed so I'm not leaving until tomorrow or Thursday. I've posted something on my other two stories so I owe you guys something. I couldn't think of anything to go along with the story so I decided I'd do just a little ranting that might make you guys laugh. I hope it does!

So I watched the New Moon trailer and I was really disappointed. For those of you who have watched it already will know what I'm talking about but if you haven't just stop reading now. Anyway I was talking with my friend the other day about the trailer. We started talking about the part where Jacob changes in front (more like over!) of Bella. I made up my own way of how that was going to play out in the movie...

**Jake-** Bella!

**Bella-** Jake run!

**Jake-** I am running!

**Bella**- The wrong way! Away from the scary not pale, vampire with suddenly long claws!

**Jake-** Why would I do that? *Jumps over Bells, changes*

**Bella-** Because--HOLY EDWARD!

_Jake's mind-_ Oh she just has to say his name!

_Seth's mind-_Jake? What are you...? Holy Edward! You changed in front of Bella! Ahh! Look Sam, a not pale vampire!

_Sam's mind-_ The world is coming to an end!

**Jake-** *kills not pale vamp*

_Jake's mind-_ Now can someone please bring me some clothes...

_Seth's mind-_ Now why would we do that?

_Jake's mind-_ *glare*

_Seth's mind-_ I was just joking! But sorry man, your on your own.

_Jake's mind-_ What?!

_Sam's mind-_ Bubbles!

_Jake's mind-_ Holy Bella! He left me alone with the idiot!

_Sam's mind-_ Hey that was--Oh look at the naked Seth!

_Jake's mind-_ I always knew you were gay!

**More a.n:** I know that's not what's going to happen but I had to write it. I mean this movie is so going to suck! Might as well make it like that, at least it might make watchers laugh.

Then there's the scene were Bella gets the paper cut. First let me point out that Edward is suppose to protect Bella, NOT throw her across rooms. And well Jasper...so killed the piano! So this is how I expect that scene to play out...

**Bella-** Paper cut. (they left out the shoot, part!)

**Jasper-** *slow motion running*

**Rose-** Hey look a fly!

**Alice-**OMJ! Where?

**Edward-** *throws Bella across room*

**Rose-** Right there don't you see it? *points to fly near piano*

**Carlisle-** That's just Bella!

**Esme-** No dear, not her. Over there. *Points at piano*

**Emmett-** I see it!

**Edward-** *throws Jasper on the piano*

**Rose, Emmett, Alice, Carlisle, Esme-** Jasper! You killed the fly!

**a.n!:** So yeah not only does Jazzy kill the piano but he also kills the fly. Murder! I'm sure that's no the way it will turn out but I'm just trying to prove a point here. Oh and did you guys notice when Edward throw Bella and then Jasper across the room, no one did anything. It was like they all just stood there watching. They might as well have been saying "Hey let's stand by and watch Bella get attacked by Jasper and die!" I mean really. It's like these people didn't even read the books! I know the movie isn't suppose it be just like the book but still, it could somewhat be like it. Well lets hope the Volutri can make the movie good.

**Ending a.n:**Okay I'm done with my ranting and I hope you guys don't mind to much that this wasn't a real chapter. I just had to post something before I left. Hope you liked it! Anybody else feel the way I do? If so tell me in a...*dun...dun...dun* REVIEW! Whoo! Doesn't everyone just love reviews? I do! Review and I'll give you a real chapter when I get back.


	9. Vampires! Attack!

**a.n: I'm still alive don't worry! Sorry this took so long. Hope you enjoy it! Another chapter coming soon! Review please!**

Pushing James to the side, the mob ties Nessie to a tree. While Mike, Barney and Victoria make a run for it with out being noticed by anyone but James. Who isn't going to say anything because he's to shocked to see his former love.

**Nessie**: Don't kill me! I didn't do anything!

**Edward**: Sure you didn't, Victoria.

**Nessie**: *Nervous laugh* I'm not Victoria, I'm your daughter!

**Bella and Edward**: Yeah right!

**Bella**: Nessie is in Forks.

**Edward**: If your really Nessie then you would know what my name is.

**Bella**: Edward, everyone already knows that.

**Edward**: Shh! No she doesn't!

**Nessie**: *Rolls eyes* Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Son to Elizabeth and Edward Sr. Masen. Who sadly died in 1918. You were changed in that same year by Dr. Carlisle Cullen. You lived with Carlilse, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and my mother for sometime. Then you and Bella, my mother, split and got with Volutri members. But yet your still in love with one another but want admit it. Just like everyone else who decided to leave there partners for someone new. You all still love each other and you know it. Good enough for you?

**All**: *Blank stares*

**Nessie**: Well? Untie me already!

Bella goes to untie her but Edward stops her.

**Edward**: She's wrong!

**Alice**: Not about the 'we're all still in love with each other' part, cause let me tell you I am so over Jasper! But the other stuff she was right about.

**Edward**: What have you been sucking blood from? I am Edward Cullen...wait a minute! I am Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Son to Elizabeth and Edward Sr. Masen. This is our daughter.

**Alice**: But wait, then why is she with James?

**Bella and Edward**: Good question.

**Nessie**: Oh him? We're just dating. *Makes it sound like nothing.*

Suddenly Emmett (with his girlfriend Claire) burst though the trees. Rosalie and Felix following close behind.

**Rosalie**: Oh joy. Family.

**Emmett**: Hey guys! Long time no see!

**Claire**: Ahh! Emmett! Vampires! Attack!

**Emmett**: *Nervous laugh* Pay Claire Bear no attention. She's spent to much time with the wolves this week. Their brain washing her to think vampires are evil.

**Felix**: But doesn't she know we're all---

**Emmett**: Shut up! Don't spill the "we're all vampires" secret!

**Claire**: Emmett why haven't you attacked yet? I thought I had you trained better then that...

**Emmett**: Claire, these vampires are our friends. You don't have to be scared of them. Well maybe Jane but she can't hurt you with Bella around. I'm sure you'll be fine as long as you stay near Bella!

**Claire**: *Pouting* Fine but if they attack us, don't come crying to me.

**Nessie**: So, can I be untied now?

**Bella**: Sure sweetheart.

**Aro**: *Sigh* We don't have time for this!

**Edward**: He's right we must find Barney.

**James:** And Victoria!

Everyone turns and looks at him. Well actually more like glare at him.

**James:** What?

Nessie is finally untied and is now standing next to James. She runs her hands though his hair.

**Nessie:** Don't worry they don't like anyone with blonde hair. That's why Jasper was the last to join the family and Rose is hated so much.

**Rose:** I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

**Aro:** Let's go!

**Edward:** Yes let's go!

**Bella:** Who gave you the right to order us around?

**Edward:** No one.

**Bella:** Then shut up!

So the mob set off again in search of Victoria and their be loved Barney. With Emmett, Claire, Rose, Felix,Nessie and a far to excited James tagging along.

**a.n: Review please!**


	10. Dr Cullen and Mr Swan

**a.n.: Enjoy and review please!**

While Edward, Bella and everyone else are searching for Victoria and Barney, Chile and Elizabeth are having relationship problems back in Forks.

**Charlie:** Well I'm sorry I can't come home whenever you want me too! Some of us have jobs you know!

**Elizabeth**: And what is that suppose to mean?!

**Charlie**: It means...! Well when I think of what it means I'll inform you!

**Elizabeth**: Well you just do that then!

**Charlie**: I will!

**Elizabeth**: Fine!

**Charlie**: Fine!

_**They both storm out of the room.**_

***Later that day at the Cullen house***

**Renee**: Carlisle, we need to talk.

**Carlisle**: Okay...

**Renee**: I know what you've been doing at after work lately.

**Carlisle**: _*Nervous laugh*_ Look honey I can explain.

**Renee**: I just want to know why you didn't tell me.

**Carlisle**: Well I wanted it to be a surprise.

**Renee**: Oh believe me I was surprised. And so was Elizabeth.

**Carlisle**: _*Confused*_ Why would you tell Elizabeth?

**Renee**: Why wouldn't I tell her?

**Carlisle**: Because it's none of her business.

**Renee**: You and Charlie dating is certainly her business! Charlie is her husband!

**Carlisle**: _*Shock and even more confused*_ Wait...what?! Charlie and me? Dating? No! No! No!

**Renee**: Well surely I'm not going to tell her your sleeping together right off. That can wait. I don't want her to die all over again!

**Carlisle**: We're not sleeping together! *Gets bad mental images* Eww!

**Renee**: Oh don't play dumb with me.

**Carlisle**: _*Muttering*_ This kind of thing never happened with Esme...

**Renee**: What?

**Carlisle**: Nothing, nothing. Look Renee I don't know--

**_Carlisle is cut off by a very happy Charlie bursting though the front door._**

**Charlie**: Oh Carlisle! I'm so glad you finally broke the news to Renee. I hope she didn't take it to hard.

**Carlisle**: What news?

**Charlie**: _*Skips over to Carlisle*_ Oh you know about us being a couple.

**Carlisle**: I told her no such thing!

**Charlie**: _*Giggles*_ Oh your such a silly boy.

**Carlisle**: Charlie are you high?

**Charlie**: _*Laughs girlie like*_ Course not silly!

**Carlisle**: Then why are you acting like this?!

**Charlie**: Cause I love you why else?

**Carlisle**: _*Shudder*_

**Charlie**: Now kiss me you handsome thing! _*Leans towards Carlisle lips ready for some sugar*_

**Carlisle**: _*Screams like a girl and fleas*_

**Charlie**: How was that Ren?

**Renee**: Wonderful! Let's see him forget my birthday again. Now time for cake...

**Charlie**: Cake! I'm right behind you!

**a.n: Review please!**


	11. Why don't you turn in to a bat?

**a.n.: Review please! :)**

**Emmett:** I love you! You love me!

**Bella and Heidi:** Let's get together and kill Barney!

**Aro and Edward:** Hey! That's not how the song goes!

**Emmett:** Oh Victoria! Come out, come out where ever you are!

**Rose:** Oh yeah that's going to work.

**Emmett:** Hey you never know.

**Alice:** But I do and it's not. So stop.

**Emmett:** *Muttering* Stupid future seeing ex-sister...

**Alice:** Oh you know you love me.

**Aro:** Can we forces on finding Victoria please!

**Clarie:** Why don't you turn in to a bat?

**All:** *Blank looks*

**Edward:** Emmett what have you been teaching this poor child?

**Emmett:** Stuff. If she asks anything stupid it's the wolves fault.

**Edward:** Sure blame them.

**Emmett:** Because it is there fault!

**Claire:** Hello! Is anyone going to answer my question?

**Bella:** Because we're not those kind of vampires. We sparkle in the sun light instead of flying.

**Claire:** Oh. Where are your fangs?

**All:** *Laughing*

**Claire:** *Stomps on Edward's foot*

**Emmett:** Be nice, Claire!

**Claire:** *Throws a pine cone at his head*

**Rose:** *Laughing* Girls got a nice throw.

**Claire:** Thank you. Now tell me why you don't have fangs.

**Rose:** Because our teeth are razor sharp. We don't need fangs.

**Claire:** Thank you. See people was that so hard? No!

**Aro:** *Whispering to Bella* Where do you think we can dump the kid?

**Claire**: I heard that! *Throws stick and hits Aro in the head*

**Aro:** Watch it little one. Before I make you my afternoon snack!

**All:** Aro!

**Aro:** What? She's annoying!

**Claire:** And your ugly but you don't see me calling you my snack.

**Aro:** Well Barney likes me!

**Bella and Heidi:** I do too!

**Bella:** *Glaring at Heidi* Excuse me?

**Heidi:** I mean...I love Edward!

**Bella:** Yeah that's what I thought.

**Heidi:** You think? Who knew!

**Edward:** Me!

**Heidi:** *Smacks his shoulder* Shut up!

**Claire:** I have another question.

**Edward:** No don't ask that! Please don't--

**Claire:** Why did you all brake up?

**Edward:** Oh you just had to ask that!

**Alice:** *Sweet smile* Edward, he told us the truth about our other halves. Turns out Jasper was cheating on me.

**Emmett:** With Rose!

**Rose:** How many times do I have to say this? I didn't cheat on you with Jasper!

**Emmett:** Sure tell that to Alice!

**Rose:** I have!

**Alice:** Anyway! I broke things off with Jasper and Emmett did the same with Rose. I then found my Alec *kisses Alec*

**Jane:** Ugh, gag me with a spoon.

**Alice:** Happy too!

**Edward:** Can we talk about something else?

**Bella:** No why don't you tell everyone why we, split up. *Glaring at Edward*

**Rose:** Oh gosh like we all want to hear that again.

**Heidi:** I do! Go on Edward.

**Edward: ***muttering* I slept with Heidi...

**Bella:** On our wedding day!

**Edward:** I said I was sorry!

**Bella:** I don't care!

**Heidi:** I love the fact that he left you for me!

**Nessie:** Well didn't Aro leave you for Bella?

**Bella:** Yes, he did! Ha! *Sticks her tongue out at Heidi*

**Heidi:** Shut up!

**Claire:** What about you? Why are you here? *Pokes James while glaring at him*

**James:** Because I love Nessie.

**Nessie:** Aw, James I love you too! *Kisses him*

**Claire:** Ew!

**Nessie:** You'll understand when your older.

**Claire:** Sure I will. Now what about...

**Edward:** No! No! No! Don't ask that, please!

**Claire:** *Smiles evil like* Tanya--

**Bella and Heidi:** Tanya! Stupid strawberry blonde hair...falling all over Edward like there's no tomorrow!

**Felix:** Are they okay?

**Edward:** They will be.

**Aro:** Bella dear...calm down.

**Bella:** Calm down?! She tired to take Edward from me when we were madly in love!

**Nessie:** And still are.

**Heidi:** Did the same to me when she visited last week! Why can't she just craw in to a hole and die?!

**Nessie:** Oh you don't even love Edward!

**Heidi:** Watch it.

**Bella:** No you watch it! Leave my daughter alone.

**Heidi:** She's my daughter too!

**Bella:** I don't see a ring on your finger making you Edward's wife so she's not!

**Heidi:** Your not his wife either!

**Bella:** I gave birth the her!

**Heidi:** Oh yeah...forgot that...

**a.n.: Next chapter will be when Victoria is found! Review please! :)  
**


	12. Bubble bubble CAKE! Cakey cakey Jakey!

**a.n.: Hey guys in order to review this chapter you'll just have to send me PM, sorry. Please still review!! And enjoy! :)**

**Jane:** Bubble...bubble...CAKE!

**Alec:** I can't believe your my sister!

**Emmett:** I know the feeling dude.

**Alec:** *Glare* Your ex-sister is my new girlfriend.

**Emmett:** *Nervous laugh* Never mind then...

**Alec:** That's what I thought.

**Jane:**Cakey...Cakey...Jakey!!

**Aro:** Jane please.

**Jane:** But I'm bored.

**Felix:** Big surprise.

**Jane:**Aro, can we just forget about--Victoria!!

**Aro:** Of course not!

**Jane:**No! Aro! Look! *Pointing to where she wants Aro to look*

**All:** *Looking where Jane is pointing* Victoria!

**Victoria:** Shoot.

**Mike:** Now what?

**Victoria:** Fear for our lives.

**Mike:** Our lives? Ha! They want to kill _you_ not me.

**Aro:** Mike's right.

**Victoria:** Mike killed Barney.

**Aro:** Mike's wrong!

**Edward:** Barney!! No!!

**Claire:** Barney's dead?!?!?!

**Emmett:** Yes sweetheart. I'm sorry.

**Claire:**Ahh!!! *Attacks Mike Newton*

**All:** Go Claire! Go!

**Two minutes later, Mike is nothing but a bunch of parts. **

**All:** Wow...

**Claire:** What? The wolves taught me a couple things this week.

**Emmett:** I'm going have to talk to them...

**Claire:** Rose?

**Rose:** Yes...?

**Claire:** Did the pale red head have anything to do with Barney's death?

**Rose:** Um...

**Aro:** Yes!

**Victoria:** No!

**Edward:** Yes!

**Victoria:** No!

**Claire:** Which is it?!

**Aro, Edward, Alice, Alec, Heidi, Bella:** Yes!

**Claire:**Ahh!! *Attacks Victoria*

**Aro:**She's killing people left and right! She'd be great for the Volutri...

**Bella:** And you wanted to ditch her!

**Claire rips Victoria to pieces while everyone else just stands there and watches.**

**James:** No! Not Victoria!

**Nessie:** James!

**James:** What? Oh please, Nessie. Did you really believe I loved you? Ha!

**Nessie:** *Sobbing*

**Rose:** Claire we got another one for you!

**Claire:**Who? Aro?!

**Aro:** *GASP*

**Rose:** No. James!

**Claire:**Ahh! *Attacks James*

**Rose:** This is actually kinda fun.

**Jane:**Don't get any ideas blondie.

**Rose:** Man you've been with Jacob to long!

**Jane:** Yeah he is kinda rubbing off on me...

**Bella:** So what do we do now?

**Aro:** *Shrugs* Go home to Italy?

**Bella:** *Sigh*

**Aro and Edward:** Something wrong, love?

**Heidi and Aro:** Edward!

**Edward:** Oh um...I was talking to Heidi!

**Bella and Heidi:** Sure, sure.

**Jane:**Jakey!

**All:** *Rolls eyes*

**Nessie:** Hey I got an idea--

**Edward:** No, no, no! Nessie please don't--

**Nessie:** Let's go to Forks!!

**Edward:** What kind of father am I? My child doesn't even listen to me!

**Bella:**Great idea! What do you say, Aro?

**Aro:** Anything you want, dear.

**Aro's mind:** Why? Why? WHY?! *Sobbing mentally*

**Heidi:** Better then going back to Italy.

**Edward:** Sure it is!

**Edward's mind:** Bad idea! Stupid Forks...I don't want to go back!!

**Alice:** I'll go if Alec does.

**Alec:** Sure I'll go.

**Alice:**Yay!

**Felix:** Come on Rose. Let's go!

**Rose:** More family. Joy! *Glaring at Nessie*

**Felix:** Oh come on, it'll be fun.

**Rose:** Sure it will.

**Emmett:** Back to Forks!

**Claire:**Quil! Yay!

**Emmett:** What? I thought you were past your 'I love Quil' phase.

**Claire:** I am! No need to worry, Em! *Sweet smile*

**Claire's mind:** Worry Emmett, worry!

**Bella:** So it's settled.

**Nessie:** To Forks we go!!

**a.n.: Review/PM please!**


	13. Roadtrip vampirewerewolfhuman style!

**a.n.: Review please! (Don't have to PM this time either!) (But if you want to PM me feel free too!) :)**

**Jane**: Guess what!

**All**: What?

**Emmett**: Roadtrip!!

**Felix**: Vampire/werewolf/human style!

**Jane**: Chocolate covered bubbles!

**Edward**: She's lost it.

**Bella**: She never heard it.

**Edward**: True.

**Rose**: This is going to be a long trip.

**Jacob**: So so anyone going to explain to me why you all left in a mob? And how you picked up ClaireBear, Felix, Emmett and Blondie.

**Rose**: It's Rosalie, Dog!

**Jacob**: I don't care! I like Blondie better.

**Rose**: Yeah and I like Dead Dog better.

**Aro**: Can I eat Claire now?

**Claire**: *Glare*

**Bella**: No! Bad Aro!

**Aro**: But...she smells so good!

**Claire**: Wish I could say the same for you...

**Aro**: And annoying.

**Claire**: Ugly pale person!

**Aro**: Annoying sweet smelling human!

**Alice**: Are we there yet?

**Bella**: Is it raining?

**Alice**: No...

**Bella**: Then we're not there!

**Alice**: Good point.

**Bella**: Of course it is.

**Alice**: What's with you?

**Aro**: She's worried about seeing her parents.

**Bella**: Shut up!

**Alice**: Aw, Bella you have nothing to worry about.

**Bella**: No you have nothing to worry about. Carlisle and Esme know your a vampire.

**Claire**: Vampire!

**Jacob**: Where?!?!

**Nessie**: Oh dear...

**Rose**: No surprise the mutts stupid.

**Jacob**: Hey!

**Rose**: *Mocking* Hey!

**Jacob**: Stupid blonde...

**Rose**: Stupid mutt!

**Jacob**: Stupid...

**Jane**: Bubbles!

**All**: Huh?

**Jane**: Bubbles!! *Jumping up and down excitedly*

**Rose**: I'll give you bubbles... *Pushes Jane in to river*

**Jane**: *Bubble...bubble...bubble...nothing*

**Jacob**: Water bubbles! Wait...Jane!! *Jumps in after Jane*

**Rose**: *Laughing*

**Jacob**: *Bubble...bubble...bubble...nothing*

**Rose**: *Laughing harder*

**Nessie**: Jake! *Jumps in after Jake*

**Edward and Bella**: Nessie!

**Aro**: Bella! *Jumps in after Bella*

**Heidi**: Aro--er--Edward! *Jumps in after either Aro or Edward*

**Alice**: Rose! Why'd you do that?!

**Rose**: Cause I thought I would be funny. And it is! *Still laughing*

**Alec**: Should we help them or something? *Studying the river*

**Alice**: Yes!! *Grabs Alec's hand and jumps in river*

**Emmett**: So...

**Claire**: I wanna swim! *Jumps in river*

**Emmett**: ClaireBear! *Jumps in river after Claire*

**Rose**: Emmett!

**Felix**: Aren't you going to jump in after him like everyone else has?

**Rose**: Course not! I'd get my hair wet.

**Felix**: *Rolls his eyes* Wanna play go fish?

**Rose**: Ha. Haha. Hahahaha! Go fish! More like go fishing for vamps!

**Felix**: *Gasp*

**Rose**: *Gasp*

**Felix**: Wait why are you gasping?

**Rose**: Cause you did. Why'd you do it?

**Felix**: Cause there's over ten creatures in that river and not a single bubble.

**Rose**: That's a problem why...?

**Felix**: *Jumps in river, to save the others*

**Rose**: Haha, vampire fishing. *Laughing at her own joke not caring about the others*

**a.n.: Review please!**


	14. Kissy kissy kissy

**a.n.: Morning people! Enjoy this chapter! And review please**

**Rose's mind:** Stupid mutt!!!

**Edward:** Jacob, take a step away from Rose.

**Jacob:** Why?

**Edward:** She's on the verge of attacking you.

**Jacob:** Oh. *Takes three steps from Rose and closer to Jane*

Jacob's mind: Jane will protect me.

**Jane's mind: **Bubb--CAKE! He he...Fish!!

**Edward:** Jacob take a step away from Jane.

**Bella:** Shut up! Let him get eat! No one here would mind!

**Nessie:** I would!

**Jane:** Look! Look! Fishes!!

**Rose:** I'd like to throw you to the fishes!

**Felix:** No! No more throwing people in the water.

**Rose:** Why? It got her to shut up about bubbles. And made the mutt smell a little better.

**Jacob:** Hey!

**Rose:** *Mocking* Hey!

**Jacob:** Stop that!

**Rose:** *Mocking* Stop that!

**Jacob:** I'm not doing anything!

**Rose:** *Mocking* I'm not doing anything!

**Jacob:** Yes you are!

**Rose:** *Mocking* Yes you are!

**Jacob:** *Growl*

**Rose:** *Mocking Growl*

**Claire:** I wanna play! *Growl*

**Jacob:** Oh great now you got the kid doing it!

**Claire:** *Mocking* Oh great now you got the kid doing it!

**Bella:** SHUT UP!!

**All:** *Silence*

**Bella:** Much better.

**Nessie's mind:** Dad, kiss mom.

**Edward:** What?!

**Bella:** Quiet!

**Nessie's mind:** It'll make her happy!

**Edward:** *Whispering* Will not.

**Nessie's mind:** *In sing song voice* Will too!

**Edward:** Will not!

**Bella:** I said shut--- *Edward kisses her*

**Nessie:** Yes!

**Alice:** About time!

**Claire: **Ew!

**Rose: **Aro doesn't look to happy...

**Aro:** I'm not to happy! *Looks not happy*

**Emmett:** Took 'em long enough.

**Jane:** Can you make bubble kisses?

**Rose:** Shut up!!

**Jane:** Meanie! *Sticks out tongue*

**Rose: **Ahh! *Goes to attack Jane*

**Jane: **Ahh! *Hides behind Jacob*

**Felix:** Calm down! *Holding Rose back*

**Edward:** *Brakes kiss*

**Bella:** *Mouth drops open*

**Jacob:** Bella?

**Bella:** *Nothing*

**Alice:** Bella?

**Bella:** *Nothing*

**Aro:** You've killed her!

**Edward:** Did not!

**Aro:** Did too!

**Edward:** Did not!

**Aro:** Did too!

**Bella:** EDWARD!!

**Edward:** *Scared* Yes...?

**Bella:** *Smiling* I love you!

**Edward:** I love you too! *Kisses Bella again*

**Heidi: **So, what'd I miss?

**Claire:** A whole bunch!

**Heidi:** Why is Bella and Edward kissing?!

**Alec:** Cause Bella loves Edward.

**Alice:** And Edward loves Bella.

**Alec and Alice:** Duh!

**Heidi:** *Sobbing*

**Aro:** Don't cry Heidi...

**Heidi:** I'm not crying! I'm sobbing! *Keeps sobbing*

**Aro:** Well then don't sob!

**Heidi:** No!

**Claire:** Kiss her already!

**Aro:** *Kisses Heidi*

**Emmett:** Does this mean Rose and I are going to get back together?

**Rose:** No!! *Kisses Felix*

**Emmett:** Dang!

**Jasper:** Alice?

**Alice:** JAZZY!!! *Runs at Jasper*

**Jasper:**Ahh!

**Alice:** *Jumps on Jasper and starts kissing him passionately*

**Alec:** Alice!

**Emmett:** Guess you just lost your girl.

**Alec:** Shut up! *Pushes Emmett in the river*

**Claire:** Emmett! No! *Attacks Alec*

**Jane:** Not my dear brother! *Goes to help Alec but gets distracted by something shiny*

**a.n.: review please**


	15. I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!

**a.n.: Sorry not one of my best... ****Enjoy! =)**

**Nessie**: So Jake...wanna kiss?

**Jacob**: *Shrugs* Why not?

**Nessie**: Yay! *Kisses Jake with a passion*

**Jane**: What about--**FISH** _MAKING_ **BUBBLES**!! *Jumps in river*

**Emmett**: The fish bite! Ow! *Climbs out of river as fast as he can _(which isn't fast)_*

**Rose**: Then stay out of the river! *Pushes Emmett back in the river*

**Felix**: Rose! That was mean!

**Rose**: So is this. *Pushes Felix in river* But I don't care!

**Claire**: Rose?

**Rose**: Yes?

**Claire**: *Pushes Rose in river* Your hair's wet!

**Rose**: You little brat! *Jumps out of water*

**Claire**: Quil!! *Starts running*

**Rose**: *Chasing after Claire*

**Emmett**: Rosie wait!

**Rose**: *Stops* WHAT?! I have a brat to catch!

**Emmett**: *Gets out of river and runs up to Rose* I love you! *Kisses her*

**Rose**: *Kisses Emmett back*

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

**Alice**: I'm so glad I have my Jazzy back!

**Jasper**: Why did we brake up in the first place?

**Alice**: Edward, said you cheated on me with Rose.

**Edward**: *Nervous laugh* Yeah about that...

**_Before Edward can say anymore there's a loud BOOM and smoke appears out of nowhere. After three exact minutes someone steps out of the smoke. It's a girl--er--women. She's got pale skin (but isn't a vampire), black eyes (still not a vampire) and black curly hair. _**

**Claire**: Who are you?

**Smoke Lady**: *Studies Claire* Bellatrix. Who are--*Gasp* *Looking at Edward in shock*

**Edward**: What?

**Bellatrix**: Your suppose to be dead!

**Edward**: I am?! Wait...oh yeah I am. But I'm a vampire.

**Bellatrix**: You can't be. The rat guy killed you. And you died!

**Edward**: No I didn't...

**Bellatrix**: Yes you did, Cedric!

**Edward**: Cedric? Who's that?

**Bellatrix**: You of course.

**Edward**: Me? I'm Edward.

**Bellatrix**: No your Cedric.

**Edward**: No I'm Edward.

**Bellatrix**: Cedric!

**Edward**: Edward!

**Bellatrix**: Cedric!

**Edward**: Edward!

**Alice**: Harry Potter! *Just saying it to be random*

**Bellatrix**: Where?!!?!?!

**Edward**: Who's Harry Potter?

**All (other than Edward): ***Gasp*

**Alec**: To be a mind reader he's pretty mindless.

**Bellatrix**: But where's Potter? If he's around I must cause him pain and anger... *Looking around for Harry*

**Jasper**: Why's that?

**Bellatrix**: *Laughing at Jasper's question*

**Jasper**: *Muttering* Glad I amuse you. *Rolls eyes*

**Bellatrix**: I just can't believe you don't know me!

**Alec**: I do!! I do!!

**Bellatrix**: *Looks Alec up and down* Is that so?

**Alec**: Yes! I was so happy when you killed---

**Bellatrix**: *In sing song voice* I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!! I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!! I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!!

**Alec**: I know, I know!

**Bellatrix**: So pixie chick, where's Potter?

**Alice**: Um...well...he's...in the river!

**Bellatrix**: Oh Harry!! *Jumps in river*

**Alec**: Why'd you tell her that?!

**Alice**: So we can get away from her!

**Alec**: But she's awesome!!

**Alice**: Then jump in the river with her!

**Alec**: Fine I will! *Jumps in river*

**Jasper**: Now what?

**Alice**: RUN!!!!

**a.n.: Parents in the next chapter!! =)**


	16. The Family Secret

**Finally after going from Canada to Italy (to get Jake of course) then from Italy to right next to Forks. Where there was a nice river to push people in to. Everyone (besides Jane and Alec, who stayed with Bellatrix at the river) made it to Forks! After making sure Charlie didn't see them, the gang headed for Carlisle's place. **

**Renee**: Bella! So nice to see you.

**Bella**: Mom? What are you doing here?

**Renee**: Oh Edward didn't tell you?

**Bella**: Tell me what?

**Renee**: Carlisle and I got married!

**Bella**: You did?!

**Renee**: Yes!

**Alice**: A wedding? And I missed it! So not right, Renee.

**Renee**: Oh Alice I'm sorry.

**Emmett**: So I take it you know our family..."secret"

**Renee**: Um...

**Emmett**: It's okay all of us here know.

**Renee**: What?

**Rose**: Carlisle didn't tell you?

**Renee**: Tell me what?

**Emmett**: The family secret!

**Renee**: No. What is it?

**Rose**: *Nervous laugh* Sorry can't tell you.

**Renee**: Bella will. Wouldn't you dear?

**All but Renee**: *Death glare at Bella*

**Bella**: Um...well...um...the family secret is...that...Jasper's gay!

**Jasper**: As if! *This said in extremely girly voice*

**Renee**: Well sweet heart that's not really a secret.

**Jasper**: I hate you all!

**Alice**: *Pats Jasper's back* It's okay dear.

**Renee**: Really, what's the secret?

**Bella**: Well...Edward can tell you. *Pushes Edward forward* Go ahead Eddie, tell her.

**Renee**: Yeah tell me.

**Edward**: Okay...well Renee...we're all...vampires.

**All but Renee**: _EDWARD!!!_

**Edward**: What?! Bella told me to tell her!

**Rose**: Not the truth idiot!

**Edward**: Oops.

**`~La Push~` **

**Quil**: I smell an imprint!

**Jared**: Dude, she's gone. Give it a rest!

**Quil**: No, no really. Claire's here!

**Paul**: He's lost it.

**Embry**: Can't believe you use to be my only friend.

Paul: Aren't you glad we came along!

**Embry**: Oh yes.

**Jared**: Sadly we don't feel the same way.

**Embry**: *Le Gasp* So harsh!

**Quil**: Claire! My love! Oh how can I count the ways that I love you my dear sweet ClaireBear!

**Emily**: Claire? What about me?

**Paul**: Busted!

**Jared**: Now what ya gonna do Quilie?

**Embry**: This want end well...

**Quil**: *Nervous laugh* Did I say Claire? I meant my dear sweet Emily! You know I love you!

**Jared**: *Whispering* Yeah like Sam really loves Tanya. *Being sarcastic*

**Emily**: Don't you ever speck of that _DOG_ in my house! *Glaring at Jared*

**Jared**: *Scared* Sorry! Want happen again!

**Emily**: *Sweet smile* That's what I thought.

**`~River~` **

**Alec**: I love you! I love you!

**Bellatrix**: Oh shut up already!

**Jane**: Fishes!! Ow, bad fishes! No biting!

**Bellatrix**: You people are so annoying! Ugh!

**Alec**: Me? Annoying? Ha! You must have me confused with my sister.

**Bellatrix**: I hate you both!

**Jane**: Way to show some love, Bellachick.

**Bellatrix**: Bellatrix!

**Jane**: Where?!

**Bellatrix**: They've leave me with idiots!

**Alec**: Surely your talking about Jane, my love.

**Bellatrix**: SHUT UP!!

**Alec**: Whatever you like my love.

**Bellatrix**: I'm not your love!

**Jane**: *Pokes Bellatrix*

**Bellatrix**: *Glares at Jane*

**Jane**: *Pokes her again*

**Bellatrix**: *Death glare at Jane*

**Jane**: *Giggles, pokes her again*

**Bellatrix**: What...are...you...DOING?!?!?!

**Jane**: *Burst in to laughter* Poking you!! *Pokes her once again*

**Bellatrix**: STOP IT!

**Jane**: Meanie! *Sticks out tongue*

**Bellatrix**: *Screams in anger and pushes Jane's head underwater, hoping to drown her*

**a.n.: Review or...Jane will poke you!**


	17. Shut it Missy!

**a.n.: Again not one of my best, sorry. Enjoy and review please. =)**

**`~Carlisle's Place~`**

**Carlisle**: I'm home!

**Bella**: Good. Maybe you can help us.

**Carlisle**: Help you with what?

**Bella**: Mom's in shock.

**Carlisle**: Shock? Why?

**Rose**: Someone told her the family "secret". *Glaring at Edward*

**Carlisle**: What!

**Edward**: Bella told me too!

**Carlisle**: Bella!

**Bella**: I didn't mean the truth!

**Edward**: Then you should have said so!

**Bella**: I thought you had more sense then that!

**Edward**: Well apparently I don't!

**Bella**: I can see that now!

**Alice**: Aw, there first fight.

**Rose**: They broke up. I wouldn't call this there first fight.

**Carlisle**: Can we focus on my wife now!

**Bella and Edward**: Oh yeah, forgot about her.

**Emmett**: Wait, where's Clarie?

**Jasper**: You lost the kid!

**Aro**: Great parent you are.

**Emmett**: I'm not her parent! And I didn't lose her...she just isn't here right now.

**Jasper**: Meaning, you lost her!

**Alice**: Stop yelling and go find her!

**Bella**: You know where she went, Emmett.

**Emmett**: I do?

**Bella**: Yes.

**Emmett**: *Thinks* Ow, thinking hurts. Are you sure Bella?

**Bella**: *Sigh* La Push!

**Emmett**: Oh yeah!

**Alice**: What are you waiting for?

**Emmett**: Huh?

**All**: GO GET HER!

**Emmett**: Right, right! *Runs to La Push*

**`~La Push~`**

**Claire**: Quil!

**Quil**: Claire!

**Emily**: Claire!?

**Jared**: Claire?

**Paul**: Claire?

**Embry**: Emmett!

**All**: Huh?

**Emmett**: I've come for Claire!

**Quil**: Well you can't have her! *Grabs Claire's hand*

**Emmett**: She's mine! *Grabs Claire's other hand*

**Quil**: Is not! *Jerks Claire close to him*

**Emmett**: Is too! *Jerks Claire close to him*

**_This fight goes on for about...an hour. Poor Claire._**

**Quil**: Mine! *Jerk*

**Emmett**: Mine! *Jerk*

**Quil**: Mine! *Jerk*

**Emmett**: Mine! *Jerk*

**Claire**: STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!

**Jared**: *Whispers* She looks mad.

**Paul**: *Whispering* Should we make a run for it?

**Embry**: *Whispering* Yep.

**Jared**: *Whispering* Run, run, run! *Runs from Emily's house*

**Paul**: *Runs*

**Embry**: *Runs*

**Emily**: Wait for me! *Runs after them*

**`~Carlisle's Place~`**

**Carlisle**: Looks like she's going to be this way forever.

**Renee**: *Stares at the wall, mouth dropped open*

**Jacob**: Do you hear something?

**All**: *Listening*

**Bella**: I hear screaming...

**Aro**: Pounding paws on the ground...

**Heidi**: Human running...

**Jasper**: This can only mean one thing.

**All**: What?

**Jasper**: We're under attack!

**Edward**: Who would attack us?

**Aro**: The Volutri!

**Bella**: We _are_ the Volutri!

**Aro**: Oh yeah...

**Jasper**: *Hides behind the couch*

**Alice**: Jazzy?

**Jasper**: Shh! *Pulls Alice down with him* We need to be very quite.

**Edward**: Why?

**Jasper**: We're under attack! Now get down!

**All**: *Hides behind furniture*

**Jasper**: *Glances out window* There getting closer.

**Bella**: What do we do when they get here?

**Jasper**: *Smiles* Attack them, before they attack us.

**Edward**: But if we're the ones under attack then we're just fighting back.

**Jasper**: *Glare* Shut it Missy! Listen to your Commander!

**Edward**: I'm a dude!

**Jasper**: Don't talk back!

**Edward**: I can if I want too!

**Jasper**: Look, Missy, if you want to live you'll listen to me. So shut it!

**Edward**: I'm-

**Bella**: Just shut up, Edward!

**Edward**: *Muttering* Fine... *Glaring at Jasper*

**a.n.: Review**


	18. Bella's in story book form?

**a.n.: Reviewy Pleasey! **

Bella: Go fish.

Edward: Shoot! I normally when at this game...

Bella: *Rolls eyes* Hum I wonder why. *Being sarcastic*

Edward: I just don't know... Got any threes?

Bella: That went right over his head... Nope! Goes Fishing!

Jasper: Shh!

Edward: You shh!

Jasper: Your so annoying!

Edward: I'm annoying? Ha! Your the annoying one.

Jasper: Me? Annoying? *Sounding truly shocked*

Alice: He's right...

Jasper: Excuse me?

Alice: *Nervous laugh* I didn't say anything. You must be hearing things Jazzy.

Jasper: Sure... *Narrowing eyes at Alice*

Alice: Who wants Ice Cream?

All(but Nessie): Eww!!

Nessie: Mint chocolate chip please!

Jacob: Gross Hun

Nessie: Hun? Don't call me that!

Jacob: Fine cupcake.

Nessie: I'm not eatable!

Jacob just smiles and shakes his head. While Nessie glares daggers at him.

"GASP!" Bella suddenly gasps. "We're in normal story book writing!" She exclaims to everyone.

Jasper: No we're not...

Bella frowns. "Well I am."

Jasper: Don't care!

"Your mean!"

Bella then pouts.

Rose: Baby.

Bella glares at Rose. "Your just mad cause your in script form!"

Rose: Am not!

Aro: Oh be quite! I'm trying to make out with Heidi over here.

Bella giggles.

Alice: What's funny, Bella?

Bella smiles and shrugs.

Alice: Edward, you sure picked an odd one.

Edward: She's not odd! She's just been around Jane to long.

Jacob: Sure.

Nessie: Sure.

Jasper: *Rolls eyes* Now there finishing each other's sentences. How great for us.

Jacob: What's with

Nessie: You?

Jasper: I'm the only one with a brain around here! Don't you people understand we're under attack?!

Edward: Jazzy, did you forget to take your pills today?

Jasper: I most certainly did not!

Nessie: Your on

Jacob: Pills? Since

Nessie: When?

Alice:*Whispering* Since the war. It really messed his mind up.

Jacob and Nessie: Oooohhhh!

Bella giggles again. Now she has a stupid grin on her face.

Alice: She looks...high.

Rose: I bet she got in to my stash!

Jasper: *Turns head slowly to look at Rose* You have a stash?

Rose: Course not! Where'd you get that idea?

Alice: You just said it.

Rose: I did not!

Edward: And you thought Bella was weird.

Rose: *Slaps Edward's shoulder*

**a.n.: Not my best. Again. Sorry guys. Better to come! I miss updating everyday... =(**


	19. Yep

**a.n.: "The plan" is coming...it involves reviewers, the Cullen boys, marriage, Billison Button, Bellatrix, The Volturi, ClareBear, the Cullen chicks, wolves, Tanya, apples, duck tape, rope, bubbles, and gum. Mhahahahaha!**

**Jane**: *This is all being said in fast girlie talk. Kinda like a stereo-type "dumb blonde" would talk* So like there was this really big fish and I knew he like was taking to me and all. He had like really big...what ever those things fish like have...and he was like all rainbow colored and like sparkly. He made like a lot of bubbles. Like bubbles!! OMG. I LOVE bubbles. Like there the greatest thing ever! Like don't you agree? Of course you do! Everyone loves bubbles! So like where are we going? Are we there yet? I like miss Jake. Wait like...who's Jake again? I know he's a guy...and like a fish...wait no not a like fish...a frog...yeah he's a froggie right? Like totally!! He's funny and cute and furry! But froggies don't have fur...what was he then...like a rabbit...a kitty kat...a cow...a pig...a vam--Are you even listing to me? Of course you are!--pire...ducky...puppy...yeah! Like a puppy! I want a puppy... like wait...what am I like talking about??? Fish like that's right! So like there was this really big fish--

**Bellatrix**: S.H.U.T. U.P.

**Alex**: Who knew one person could talk so much and be so...clueless.

**Felix**: She's your sister. I feel bad for you dude.

**Alex**: I don't understand how Mom loved her more then me.

**Felix**: She did? Really? Aw, sorry man.

**Alex**: Nah I've gotten over it.

**Felix**: Oh that's nice.

**Alex**: Yep. I just ate Mom and that was the end of it.

**Felix**: Nice. So...wanna play go fish?

**Jane**: *blonde talk again* Fishy's are like cool. Like there all color full and pretty like. Don't you just love them? I love them. Don't you? Like I do.

**Bellatrix**: *Hitting head against dock*

**Alex**: Are you

**Felix**: Okay?

**Alex**: That can't be

**Felix**: Healthy.

**Alex**: Do you

**Felix**: Want to

**Alex**: See

**Felix**: A doctor?

**Bellatrix**: Doctor...yes a doctor sounds nice. Dr. Cullen.

**Alex**: Oh we know we're he lives!

**Felix**: Right next to the wolves!

**Bellatrix**: Wolves...?

**Alex and Felix**: Yep.

**Jane**: Wolves...why does that sound familiar? Hey look something---oh pretty---look at the---nice---shiny---BUBBLES!

**Bellatrix and Alex and Felix**: *Blank stares*

**Alex**: She got in to Rose's stash.

**Felix**: No doubt.

**Bellatrix**: Rosalie has a stash?

**Alex and Felix**: Yep.

Bellatrix: Must get to know this chick...

**Alex**: She's

**Felix**: Carlisle's daughter.

**Bellatrix**: *Grin* Oh really...

**Alex and Felix**: Yep.

**Bellatrix**: Stop that.

**Alex and Felix**: Yep.

**Bellatrix**: Really. Stop.

**Alex and Felix**: Yep.

**Bellatrix**: Ahh! If I didn't want to kill Harry Potter so bad I'd rip your heads off!

**Alex and Felix**: Ep.

**Bellatrix**: Take. Me. To. Dr. Cullen. NOW!

**Alex and Felix**: Okay.

**Jane**: Lalalala! I'm a fishy! I can make bubbles! yayayayay!!! So...go fish how do--Fishy's!! Jake is a fish. Hehe. Fish. Funny. Dum...dum...dum!!!!!

**Alex**: What's with you anyway?

**Jane**: Sammy!

**Alex**: Who?

**Jane**: *Jumping up and down, pointing behind Alex* Sammy!

**Felix**: I think she's finally snapped.

**Bellatrix**: I'm about to snap!!

**Felix**: Hey look Tanya. And Sam.

**Jane**: DUH!

**Alex**: I shall never understand thee.

**All**: *Blank stares*

**Alex**: What? I'm a vampire! *By standers run for there lives, screaming to terror* I'm suppose to say old things!

**Felix**: Sure...you just keep thinking that buddy.

**Bellatrix**: Who. Cares! Someone pleeease just take me to the witch doctor! *More by standers flea*

**a.n.: Review please!**


	20. Jane's Missing

**a.n.: Enjoy and don't forget to review please. =)**

**~!!~Felix, Alec, Bellatrix and Jane~!!~**

Felix: Where's Jane?

Alec: She's right...nope not there...

Bellatrix: You lost her!

Felix and Alec: Mmmaaayyybbbeee. *Casing worried glances at one another*

Bellatrix: Idiots! You can't lose someone like her!

Alec: I thought you hated her?

Felix: *Under his breath* Like the rest of us...

Bellatrix: I never said I didn't.

Felix: Then why are you so worried about her?

Bellatrix: Because if I know where she is then she can't kill me.

Alec and Felix: Kill you?

Bellatrix: Yes...the child scares the living daylights out of me!

Felix: Hehe.

Alec: Haha.

Bellatrix: What?

Alec and Felix: Your scared of Jane! *Burst out laughing*

Bellatrix: *Glaring* Guys.

Alec: Yes?

Felix: Hum?

Bellatrix: FIND HER!

Felix: Right!

Alec: Good idea!

Bellatrix: Out of all the vampires in the world I get stuck with these idiots.

**~!!~FanGirls~!!~ %^and Me^**

Blonde fangirl: Edward! Edward! Edward! *Dancing around room with a stuffed doll that looks like Eddie-boy*

Red fangirl: Emmett! Emmett! Oh dearest Emmett! *Dancing in same room with similar doll but Emmett styled*

Brown fangirl: Jasper! Jazzy! Jasper! *Same as the first two but her doll is Jasper-ish*

RFG: We have got to find a way to the real Cullen boys.

BFG: I'm so marrying, Jasper one day...*Dreamy sigh*

RFG: We have to find them first, dimwit!

BFG: *Glaring at RFG*

BlondeFG: Girls please stop fighting.

RFG: Why should we do that?

BlondeFG: Because if you fight, we can't find the boys.

BFG: She has a point...

RFG: Yep...

BlondeFG: Any ideas ladies?

RFG and BFG: *Blank Stares*

RFG: Nope.

BFG: Not a one.

BlondeFG: Oh dear...we've got a long night ahead of us girls.

BFG: But I've got to be home by nine!

BlondeFG: What's more important to you. Finding the Cullen boys or getting home on time?

BFG: Getting home on time! My mom's going to kill me if I'm late again! I'll be grounded for...ever!

RFG: Baby.

BFG: Shut. _IT_.

RFG: No. _WAY_.

BFG: *Throws pillow at RFG*

RFG: *Jumps on BFG*

BFG: Ahhhh!! Jazzy!! Save _meeee_!

BlondeFG: Oh my...*Shakes head and watches as RFG beats the flip out of BFG*

Me: Aren't you going to help her?

BlondeFG: Nope.

Me: Why?

BlondeFG: Would Edward stop Emmett and Jasper from fighting?

Me: *Thinks about this* No.

BlondeFG: Then I'm not stopping RFG and BFG.

Me: Crazy Blonde.

BlondeFG: *GASP* I resent that!

Me: I'm the writer so your just going to have to deal with it!

BlondeFG: Do not.

Me: Do too.

BlondeFG: Do not.

Me: Yep

Her: No.

Me: Yes.

Her: Nope.

Me: Yep.

Her: Shut up!

Me: I can just write you out of this!

Her: You wouldn't dare...

Me: *Starts writing BlondeFG out of chapter*

Her: Nooooo!!! This is my _ONLY_ chance at meeting Edward!!

Me: Then shut up and stop them.

Her: Why can't you just write that they stopped fighting?

Me: Cause I'd rather see you do it!

Her: *Glare from where ever my voice is coming from* Fiiine.

Me: Power. Is. Good. *Smiles happily*

**a.n.: I've changed something in the plan. In stead of having Reviewers in the story I'm adding in FanGirls. Hope no one minds! Sorry!**

**Review Please. =)**


	21. Poor Auntie Alice

**a.n.: Enjoy and laugh, and review please! =)**

**~!!~ Carlisle's House~!!~**

**Bella**: Whens Emmett coming back?

**Alice**: I don't know! I can't see him! *Hits head against wall*

**Jasper**: *Sigh* Must you ask her things you know she can't see? *Glares at Bella & pats Alice on the shoulder*

**Bella**: *Giggles* But it's funny to see her do that!

**Nessie**: Poor Auntie Alice...

**Jacob**: She's on pills too right?

**Alice**: *Stops hitting head* I most certainly do not!

**Bella**: Hey Alice, where's Sammy?

**Alice**: I don't know!! *Goes back to hitting head*

**Jacob**: Maybe she should be on pills...

**Bella**: *Burst out laughing for no reason at all*

**Nessie**: I think they both belong on pills...or something. *Looking worriedly between Alice and Bella*

**Edward**: Nessie that's not very nice.

**Nessie**: You got a better idea?

**Edward**: Yes.

**Jacob**: Such as...?

**Edward**: Guys in white coats carting them off to padded cells.

**Jasper**: Yeah Edward, you'd know all about that wouldn't you? Seeing how you've been carted off quite a few times.

**Edward**: It was only once!

**Jacob**: Haha!

**Edward**: What?

**Jacob**: I'm sane and your not! Haha haha haha! *this being said in sing-song like voice*

**Edward**: *Glare* But your with my daughter, she's more then likely got something wrong with her too! So there!

**Jacob**: *Give Nessie sideways glance*

**Nessie**: *Slaps Jacob*

**Jacob**: Ouch! What was the for?!

**Nessie**: I'm not crazy!

**Bella**: Suuure about that???

**Nessie**: *Throws shoe at Bella* Yes!

**Edward**: I'm going to have to disagree...

**Nessie**: No disagreeing! *Throws other shoe at Edward*

**Edward**: *Shoe hits his eye* Owwww!!!

**Jasper**: Hehe.

**Alice**: Haha.

**Jacob**: Ness, isn't that like child abuse or something?

**Nessie**: Not if the child is doing the abusing. *Giggles*

**Emmett**: HEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEE!!!!

**Bella**: Emmett!! *Starts jumping up and down with excitement*

**Edward**: We here him but don't see him...

**Jasper**: Hearing him is just as bad as seeing him.

**Rose**: *Hits Jasper*

**Jasper**: Ouch!

**Alice**: Don't hit Jazzy! *Hits Rose*

**Rose**: *Slaps Alice*

**Alice**: *Slaps Rose*

**Rose**: *Slaps Alice*

**Alice**: *Slaps Rose*

**Bella**: Oh! Oh! I wanna play!! *Slaps both Alice and Rose*

**Alice and Rose**: *Punches Bella*

**Bella**: Oww! This games no fun! *Pouts while rubbing face*

**Jacob**: Aw, Bells it'll be okay. *Pulls Bella to him, trying to confront her*

**Nessie**: Eww!

**Jacob**: What?

**Nessie**: That's my mom!

**Jacob**: Your point...?

**Nessie**: You being all flirty with her!

**Jacob**: Psh, am not. *Whispering* It'll be okay, Bells. I love you---*Nothing*

**a.n.: =0 Oh no what could have happened?!?! Guess your just going to have to wait and see! =) **

**Review please.**


	22. Cookies aren't for vampires

**Nessie**: Hey what happened to the lights?

**Jasper**: They went out smart one.

**Nessie**: *Hits at Jasper*

**Jacob**: Ouch!!

**Nessie:** *Giggles* Oops, sorry! *Goes to kiss Jake*

**Edward**: Oh wow...Bella, what's gotten in to you?

**Bella**: Huh?

**Edward**: Your kissing is suddenly really great!

**Bella**: I'm not kissing you...

_***Suddenly the lights come back on***_

**Nessie**: Ewww! Ewww! Ewwww!! *Jumps back from Edward*

**Edward**: Wow...Nessie.

**Jacob**: I had no idea you and Edward were like that Ness...

**Nessie**: We're not!!

**Aro**: Doesn't look that way...

**Heidi**: I'm pretty sure that's illegal...

**Nessie**: Oh shut up!!

**Carlisle**: Where's Renee?

**Everyone**: *Looks around*

**Nessie**: The government took Grandma Cullen?!?!

**Esme**: No I'm right here...

**Everyone**: Ahhh!! Where'd you come from?!

**Esme**: I've been here the whole time...

**Bella**: Really?

**Carlisle**: We didn't notice you here...

**Esme**: Oh don't I feel loved. Thank you all for paying great attention to me!

**Bella**: *Smiles and giggles* Aw, your welcome!!

**Esme**: *Glares at Bella*

**Rose**: Esme knows how to glare? Who knew!

**Esme**: Dumb blonde.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

**Bella**: *Sobbing* I want Emmett!

**Jacob**: Aw, poor Bells...

**Nessie**: No! Stay, doggie!

**Jacob**: *Pouts but stays where Nessie told him too*

**Edward**: *Giggles*

**Nessie**: *Smiles* Good puppy! Now sit.

**Jacob**: *Sits*

**Edward**: *Laughs quietly*

**Nessie**: *Pats his head* Very good doggie! *Hands him a cookie*

**Jacob**: Cookie!! *Eats cookie with a smile*

**Edward**: *Frowns and rolls eyes*

**Nessie**: Now give me a kiss.

**Jacob**: *Licks Nessie's cheek*

**Nessie**: Ewww! *Hits Jake on head with newspaper* Bad dog!

**Jacob**: *Whimper*

**Edward**: *Doubles over in laughter*

**Bella**: *Sobbing still*

**Jasper**: What's your problem anyway?!

**Bella**: I want Billison Button!

All: Who?

**Bella**: See?!?! Emmett would understand!

**Jasper**: *Rocks back and further* It's not nice to kill family...it's not nice to kill family...

**Jacob**: Wantta cookie? *Jacob offers Jasper a cookie*

**Jasper**: *Glares then smiles* Your not a family member!

**Jacob**: No...

**Jasper**: So I can do this! *Attacks Jacob*

**Edward**: *Laughs so hard _actual_ tears come from his eyes*

**Rose**: *Doubles over laughing*

**Alice**: Bad Jazzy!!

**Nessie**: Jakey!!

**Bella**: Hehe!

**Aro and Heidi**: Cookies aren't for vampires...

**Esme**: You all disgust me!

**Carlisle**: *Drooling over Esme*

**Jane**: Hello all!!

**All**: Ahhh!!!

**Edward**: She's baaack!!

**a.n.: Review please =)**


	23. Jane unleashed

**a.n.: Read, enjoy, laugh and don't forget to review(please)!**

**Jane**: Poke! *Pokes Edward*

**Edward**: Ahh!! It burns!

**Rose**: What?

**Edward**: *whispering* I'm not sure, but maybe it'll get her to leave me alone.

**Jane**: Poke! *Pokes Jasper*

**Jasper**: *Bites Jane's poking finger*

**Jane**: Ouchy!

**Bella**: Why don't you just use your power to get Jazzy back?

**Jane**: I have a power?!

**Bella**: Sure you do!

**Jane**: What is it?

**Edward**: You can make cupcakes with your mind!

**All**: *Blank stares*

**Edward**: What? It was the only thing I could think of!

**Bella**: You hurt people with...something...

**Everyone**: *breaths sigh of relief that Bella doesn't know*

**Bella**: Oh yeah! With your mind!

**Everyone**: No! No! No!!

**Jane**: *A slow evil smile crosses her face* Muhahahahaha!!

**All**: *Black looks*

**Jane**: *Frowns* This is the part were you all flea in terror.

**Alice**: Why would we do that?

**Jasper**: Your Jane!

**Rose**: We're not scared of you.

**Jane**: Oh your not?

**Rose/Jasper/Alice**: Nope!

**Jane**: *Glares at Alice/Jasper/Rose*

**Jasper**: *Screams and falls to ground in pain*

**Alice**: Jaz--Ahhh! *Winches in pain*

**Rose**: *Falls to floor with silent screams*

**Esme**: Hahahaha!!

**Edward**: Esme that's mean!

**Esme**: So? Mean is fun!

**Bella**: She's scary now Eddie...

**Edward**: I blame the wolves.

**Jacob**: Hey!

**Edward**: Is for horse's!

**Bella**: Jake's a horse now?

**Edward**: No, love, he just smells like one.

**Nessie**: Dad!

**Bella**: Horsey Jakey!

**Nessie**: Mom!

**Jacob**: We should unleash Jane on them.

**TWO DAYS THREE HOURS FOUR MINUTES ON-TW-THR-FOU-FIVE SECONDS LATER **

**Aro**: She'll never find us here...

**Heidi**: She will if you don't shut up.

**Rose**: Shh!

**Heidi**: You shh!

**Alice**: No you both shh!

**Jane**: *in sing-song voice* Oh fellow vaaampires!

**All**: -Le Gasp-

***Silence* **

**Edward**: Maybe she left...

**Jacob**: Your the mind reader!

**Edward**: Your point is...?

**Jacob**: You should be able to tell us if she's still around.

**Edward**: Really? Why's that?

**Jacob**: Because--

**Nessie**: Oh just give it up!

**Suddenly every one's hiding place (which is behind the couch in the living room) is uncovered!**

**Jane**: There you are my pretties! *Laughs like a witch*

**Aro**: *Jumps up and shakes finger in every one's faces* Okay, who let her watch The Wizard Of Oz?!

**Heidi**: You.

**Aro**: I did?

**Heidi**: Yes, before we went all mob people and all that.

**Aro**: Oh...

**Edward**: Seems like a lifetime ago...

**Bella**: Good times...good times...

**Jane**: Helllo!

**Bella**: Hi!

**Jane**: *rolls eyes* Aren't you all suppose to be doing something right now?

**All**: *thinks her question over* *Light bulb goes on over every one's heads*

**Bella**: Lighty!!

**Edward**: It's so...

**Alice**: Pretty! *reaches for light*

**Jasper**: It sparkles too!

**Nessie**: No...that's just Auntie Alice's hand.

**Jasper**: Darn!

**Jane**: You people are no fun! *pouts*

**Everyone**: *remembers what they were suppose to be doing*

**All**: *Flea's in terror of Jane*

**Jane**: *Smiles and jumps with excitement* Finally!

**a.n.: I love Jane! Review please. =)**


	24. I hate you

**a.n.: Enjoy! =D **

**~!!~Leah and Paul~!!~ **

**Paul**: I hate you.

**Leah**: No, I hate you.

**Paul**: I hate you more.

**Leah**: *laughs* No one can hate someone more then me!

**Paul**: Wanna bet?

**Leah**: *stops laughing* No.

**Paul**: Aw, is Leah scared?

**Leah**: Leah's not scared of anything!

**Paul**: Then bet me.

**Leah**: Fine, your on!

**Paul**: *Smiles* Ten bucks says I hate more people then you.

**Leah**: Um...okay then.

**Paul**: We'll make list's.

**Leah**: Of the people we hate?

**Paul**: Yep.

**Leah**: Oh your so number one on my list!

**Paul**: I was going to make you number two but now your the first on mine too!

**Leah**: Fine!

**Paul**: Fine!

**Leah**: Wanna make out?!

**Paul**: Sure!

**Leah and Paul**: *make out*

**~!!~Carlisle's House~!!~**

**Jasper**: I found Renee...she's dead...

**Bella**: Who?

**Alice**: Your mom dear, your mom. *Pats Bella on the shoulder*

**Bella**: *confused* Okay...

**Carlisle**: H-how'd she die Jasper?

**Jasper**: *Glances out the door* Um...it looks like she jumped from the bedroom window.

**Bella's mind**: I thought Elizabeth was my mom...

**Edward**: No darling, Elizabeth is my mother.

**Bella**: *Gasp* You mother stealer!

**~!!~Quil, Claire and Emmett~!!~**

**Quil**: Baby.

**Emmett**: Puppy.

**Quil**: Bloodsucker!

**Emmett**: Mutt!

**Claire**: Idiots! *smacks them both in the back of the head*

**Quil and Emmett**: Ouch!

**Emmett**: That's it!

**Quil and Claire**: What's it?

**Emmett**: I'm leaving!

**Quil**: Finally!

**Emmett**: Goodbye all! *Walks out all dramatic like*

**Quil**: So...

**Claire**: Still mad at you.

**Quil**: Shoot!

**~!!~Bellatrix, Alex and Felix~!!~**

**Alex**: Well here we are.

**Bellatrix**: This is Forks?

**Felix**: Yep.

**Bellatrix**: It's so small...so where are the Cullen's?

**Alex**: *Glances at Felix*

**Felix**: *Glances at Alec*

**Bellatrix**: Ugh!! You two are so useless!

**Alec**: Hey we got you to Forks didn't we?

**Bellatrix**: That you did...wait *sees sign* Guys?

**Alec and Felix**: Yes?

**Bellatrix**: If we're in Forks, then why does that sign *points to sign* say we're in La Push?

**Random dude**: Hey look! Vampires!

***Half the people around Bellatrix, Alec and Felix turn in to wolves suddenly* **

**Bellatrix**: What the--? *Gets ate*

**Alec and Felix**: Ahhhh!! *Start running for there lives*

**Random dude**: Whooooa. *this said in surfer dude type way*

**a.n.: Review! Please!**


	25. So you killed my Lenttie?

**a.n.: Review, pretty, pretty, pretty please!**

**~!!~Leah, Paul~!!~**

**Paul**: I thought you were with Laurent?

**Leah**: I thought you were with Jessica?

**Paul**: I asked first!

**Leah**: I can beat you in a fight!

**Paul**: Good point...well Jessica was kinda killed...

**Leah**: Like OMG how?!

**Paul**: Laurent.

**Leah**: Oh... What'd you do?

**Paul**: Killed him of course!

**Leah**: So you killed my Lenttie!!??

**Paul**: Maaaaybe...*Starts to move away from Leah*

**Leah**: *Attacks Paul* *With kisses!*

**Paul**: So your happy I killed him?

**Leah**: Heck yeah! He was so annoying! Always talking about James and Victoria.

**Paul**: Well their all together now!

**Leah**: Hehe.

**~!!~Tanya and Sam at Carlisle's house~!!~**

**Tanya**: Are you sure no one's going to attack me here?

**Sam**: Positive!

***Tanya and Sam walk in to Carlisle's house***

**Jane**: Fresh meat! *Attacks Tanya*

**Bella and Heidi**: Man stealer! *Attacks Tanya*

**Sam**: Oops...I was wrong...

**Emily**: Woe is me!

**Sam**: True love!

**Emily**: Sammy!

**Sam**: Let's go have children, true love Emily!

**Emily**: Okay true love Sammy!

***They hold hands and skip off in to the sunset***

**Emmett**: I'm baaack!!

**Bella**: Emmett!!

**Emmett**: Rose!

**Rose**: Yes?

**Emmett**: I lov--wait. Bella!

**Bella**: *Hiding behind Edward* Yes?

**Emmett**: I told you to put everyone in story book form!

**Bella**: Billison didn't want it that way!

**Edward**: Who's Billison?

**Bella**: Someone...

**Emmett**: A button.

**Bella**: *Hits Emmett* You weren't suppose to tell him!

**Emmett**: Sorrrrry!

**Rose**: A button?

**Bella**: Yep. A button that puts everyone in storybook form.

**Alice**: That's how you were in storybook form before!

**Bella**: *Nods excitedly*

**Nessie**: Cool!

**Jacob**: Blah.

**Nessie**: Aw, your no fun!

**Jacob**: Neither is Aro!

**Aro**: Hey, I'm plenty fun! Right everyone?

**Everyone**: *Silence*

**Aro**: Fine! Be that way!

**a.n.: I believe this story might be nearing it's end...I'm slowly running out of ideas and inspiration... Review Please!**


	26. Bye, bye Strange Couples!

**a.n.: Last Chapter...*tear* *sob* *tear* **

**~!!~C.C.'s House~!!~**

**Dr. Cullen**: Woe is me!

**Esme**: What's your problem?

**Dr. Cullen**: Renee is dead!

**Esme**: So?

** Dr. Cullen**: So...now I'm lonely.

**Esme**: So?

**Dr. Cullen**: *Sigh*

**Esme**: Kiss me.

**Dr. Cullen**: Why would I--*Esme kisses him*

**Dr. Cullen**: *Enjoy's kiss*

**Esme**: *Brakes kiss* Still miss Renee?

**Dr**. **Cullen**: Renee who?

**Esme**: *laughs* That's what I thought.

**~!!~Eric, Ben, Tyler~!!~**

**Eric**: I'm gay!

**Ben**: Me too!

**Tyler**: Um...

**Eric**: *glare* Aren't you gay too Tyler?

**Ben**: *glare* Yeah, Tyler. Aren't you?

**Tyler**: Um........no........

**Eric**: I banish you!

**Tyler**: But!

**Ben**: No! Your banished!

**Tyler**: *cries like baby* Pleeeeese don't---

**Ben and Eric**: Ban-_ished_!!!!

**Tyler**: *Runs off crying*

**FIVE MINUTES LATER**

**Ben**: Tyler please forget us!

**Tyler**: No.

**Eric**: But we love you!

**Tyler**: No.

**Ben**: Pleeee---

**Tyler**: No.

**Eric**: Why not?

**Tyler**: You two broke my heart!

**Eric**: I thought you weren't gay...

**Tyler**: I'm not.

**Ben**: Then how did we brake your heart?

**Tyler**: Because I'm a bi-chick! *Rips off clothes to revel chick clothes; Mini-skirt and tank top complete with high-heels*

**Eric and Ben**: ..................

**Surrounding People**: ........ :O ........

**Space** **Aliens**: Hot! Hot! Hot!

**Tyler**: What?

**Eric**: You make a nice looking chick...for a dude...who's bi...

**Tyler**: *giggles*

**Ben**: O.O

Tyler: Ben, don't you like me anymore? *voice suddenly sounds like a ten year old girl*

Ben: *rapid blinking*

**Eric**: Dude---chick---whatever you are, I think you...killed him or something.

**Tyler**: Wow *giggles* I didn't know I was that stunning.

**Eric**: *Takes Tyler's hand*

**Tyler**: *takes Eric and Ben's hands*

**Ben**: *still "stunned"*

**Tyler, Eric, Ben**: *stroll out hand in hand to live in gay happy land*

**Emmett**: That was nice lunch room talk...

**Edward**: Never thought I'd see the day...

**Bella**: I'm glad we don't eat...

**Alice**: I feel sick...

**Nessie**: That made me lose my food interest...

**Jacob**: My cookie doesn't taste so good now...

**Nessie**: *Pats Jake* It'll be okay.

**Jacob**: *stuffs more "good doggie" cookies in his mouth*

**Jasper**: I feel kinda turned on...

**All**: *Smacks Jasper*

**Jasper**: Ow!!

**Jane**: So...time to wreak more lives!

**All**: Ahhhh!! *Flea Jane*

**Jane**: *Laughs evil like* Man that never gets old!

**a.n.: Well it seems the time as come. Bye, Bye Strange Couples! *tear***

_I feel bad for ending the story though...it's just I'm out of ideas. I don't want to drag the story out or anything so I think it's time to end it. I'm going to miss writing about all this Cullen/Volturi weirdness. I might do a Sequel or something...who knows._

**=D =D =D Thank you to all who reviewed, alerted and favored! =D =D =D**

I'm dedicating this story to: Jazzie-loves-me-22 and november21. You two have been with me thought out the story. You've reviewed every chapter. I hope you two enjoyed this story, because I know I enjoyed both writing and reading your reviews! You two (and Melissa, but she got J&M) are the reason I kept this story going. Thank You two so very very much!!

_*Sigh* Okay time to end yet another story. I think ending a story is harder then writing it...it just makes me so sad to end stories. Once again, thank you everyone!_

**THE END**


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